9 Types of Lockdown Shoppers you meet at the Supermarket

Trips to the supermarket are objectively one of the worst things about lockdown.

Nothing sends stress levels rocketing like realising it’s time to do the food shop. With delivery slots snatched up weeks or even months in advance, most of us have no choice but to brave the aisles of Sainsburys or Tesco and, worse still, other shoppers.

From careful observation during my own visits to the supermarket, I have concluded that there are nine different types of lockdown shopper. Chances are you will have already encountered most of these people whilst shopping, but the question is – which one are you?

 

1 – THE SHOPPER WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT DAY IT IS

  • Wanders around the supermarket with all the speed and urgency of a sloth
  • Likes to stand in the middle of the aisle while leisurely comparing different brands of baked beans, making it impossible for anyone to walk past at a safe distance
  • A shopping list? What’s one of those?
  • Guaranteed to be directly in front of you in any shop with a one way system

 

2 – THE SHOPPER COMFORT EATING THEIR WAY THROUGH LOCKDOWN

  • Has begun counting any dessert with fruit in it as one of their 5-a-day
  • Buys snacks for the car ride home (What?! Pushing a heavy trolley is basically weights training – they’ve earned it!)
  • Wears elasticated everything because nothing else in their wardrobe fits right now

 

3 – THE SHOPPER WHO LIVES IN DENIAL

  • Suffers from selective blindness when it comes to floor markings and customer guidance notices
  • Feels compelled to breathe over your shoulder because they cannot bear to wait another second to get their loaf of bread from the fully stocked shelf in front of you
  • Spends ten minutes arguing with the checkout worker about why the 24 toilet rolls in their trolley are essential
  • There’s a 99% chance they have shared at least one Facebook post with in the last week comparing Covid-19 to the flu

 

4 – THE SHOPPER WHO HAS OVERDOSED ON PRODUCTIVITY

  • If there’s a hobby that can be done from home, you bet they started it three weeks ago
  • Usually found in the baking or gardening sections, looking for their next challenge
  • Wears their gym wear to the shop to make extra sure that other shoppers know they exercise regularly
  • Updates social media several times a day to share progress on their many projects and to subtly remind you that if lockdown was a competition they would totally be winning

 

5 – THE (NON)SHOPPER WHO MAKES OTHERS DO THEIR BIDDING

  • Enjoys waiting safely in the car park while their friend or relative does the shopping
  • Was secretly thrilled when shops introduced the ‘one person per household’ rule
  • Gets a kick out of adding hard to find items to your shopping list (bonus points if they insist on a specific brand or an item that is always out of stock)

 

6 – THE SHOPPER WHO THINKS VIRUSES CAN BE TRANSMITTED THROUGH EYE CONTACT

  • Decked out in as much PPE as they can legally get away with
  • Starts hyper-ventilating if another person enters the same aisle as them
  • Prefers to keep a ten metre distance from everyone – just to be extra safe
  • Lurks in the shadows at the end of aisles in an attempt to pressure other shoppers into moving faster

 

7 – THE SHOPPER WHO THINKS SOCIAL DISTANCING DOESN’T APPLY TO KIDS

  • Lets their child run free in the supermarket while they gossip with another shopper
  • Makes no attempt to stop their child from touching every item within reach, unaware or simply unbothered that little Tommy may have just contaminated the entire confectionery aisle
  • Knows their child is not miraculously immune to this virus, but after five weeks of home-schooling has decided they’re willing to take the risk

 

8 – THE SHOPPER WHO TAKES NO PRISONERS

  • Pandemic or not, nothing is going to come between them and their organic almond milk
  • Bulldozes through the shop using their trolley as a weapon, mowing down children and pensioners in their path
  • Would rather camp outside the supermarket until they re-stock than return home without every item on their shopping list
  • Likes to make it known that they’re in more of a rush than everyone else by tutting loudly and frequently checking their watch while in the checkout queue

 

9 – THE SHOPPER ON A LIQUID DIET

  • Drank a glass of wine to steady their nerves before heading to the shop
  • Spends half an hour stocking up on essentials in the drinks aisle, followed by five minutes getting their food for the week
  • Has a Pinterest board dedicated to fancy cocktails they are going to make during lockdown
  • Probably has a second trolley just for alcoholic beverages

 

26 thoughts on “9 Types of Lockdown Shoppers you meet at the Supermarket

  1. Welcome Lucy. Nice to see a new blogger just down the road from me! I hope you realise that you’ve entered into another dimension where time is consumed at a phenomenal rate. Looking forward to reading more of your humour although, at the moment, I am having difficulty in liking/commenting on your entries. eg I can’t like your About page. It’s a WordPress thing!

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    1. Hello Peter 😊 Nice to make your acquaintance! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, I’m pleased you enjoyed it. I appreciate the heads up on the liking and commenting issues – I’ll definitely look into it!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I like your 9 types of shoppers Luce, seems like I’m missing out on all the fun, not having been out since mid march due to being diabetic, and having had cancer. Is there anyway I can pass it on please?

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    1. Hello Marilyn, thank you for reading my blog! I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been stuck in the house due to your recent ill health. My grandmother who I live with is in a similar position. Hopefully this situation will pass soon.

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  3. Im probably 2 lucy. But i am at work still being a key worker. So the weekends and evenings are my TREAT DAM iT, 😄😄😄

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    1. Haha you definitely earn those treats Auntie Linda! I’m also shopper no.2 so no judgement here. Thanks for reading ❤️

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    1. Thank you Christine 😊 Exactly, who knew?! At least the internet allows us to navigate these bizarre experiences together.

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  4. Loved reading this! Well written. I have encountered many who don’t understand what social distancing even means. (I’ve been yelled at multiple times for simply asking someone to give me a little personal space.)

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    1. Thanks Alice, glad you enjoyed it 💕 Tell me about it! If there is one thing this pandemic has shown us, it’s that a large number of people in this country haven’t got a clue what two metres looks like – even with clear floor markings in place!

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  5. Omg, this was very lovely and funny! I really liked the post and find something similar to #9 😀 I believe that wine can save a world! At least mine! 😀
    Thank you, you made my day! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the fab feedback, Sandra! I think we can all secretly relate to shopper #9 😉 Glad you enjoyed the blog.

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  6. Very true depictions. I am personally very glad they have introduced online shopping in my area. I would be the non-shopper. Anything they didn’t provide in order, I give hubby the list and wait in the car.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh how I miss online shopping. Unfortunately deliveries are in such high demand where I live, you have to book your shop weeks in advance. Thanks for reading!

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  7. The day l tried to shop on line and there wasn’t date to delivery l feel so much upset. After when l had to go to the market buy my food l feel like this is not fun..all you say describe exactly the situation. Hope soon we ll came back the normality.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely understand your frustration, we haven’t been able to book an online shopping delivery since March!! I’m sure we’ll be back to normality soon. Thanks for reading 🙂

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    1. Haha completely agree with you! But then again slow walkers are one of my biggest pet peeves in life, both in the supermarket aisles and beyond 😂

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  8. I’m ashamed to say I think I’m shopper number 4!!!! although I’m more likely there in my pjs , than gym wear lol , great read luce I love that I can hear your voice in my head as I read these and the sarcastic uncle Gerry humour that seeps out of every line xx big love cuz xx

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